And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
my poor anus
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
