I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
