i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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