forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm way too hungover for life right now
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
