There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
