Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
