Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
