I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
