I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Randomize
