addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
