Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
