my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
