i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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