I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
