It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
