It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
