She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
whose ass print is on the piano?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
