Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
