goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
