its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize