I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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