I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
