I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
