You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
