Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
