I CAN MOONWALK!
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just found a bag of teeth...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
