I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
