I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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