The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
