My entire life is one complicated drinking game
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Watching her eat just hurts me
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize
