1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
