Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
