I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
