I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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