he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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