I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
