I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize