Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
