so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
