This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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