I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
so explain again why im purple
no
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
