My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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