Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
