i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
