Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize