i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
