well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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