If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize