I'd wear matching sweaters with you
if only i could text you this smell
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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