dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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