I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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