You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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