This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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