only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize