I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
