Already got asked if we're dating
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
