finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
