I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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