got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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