I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My breasts were aching with rage.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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