If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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