just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
