I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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