did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
