look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
