my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
