You just made me feel so damn special
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
