did you get engaged???
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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