There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
