If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Someone shattered a urinal.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
