What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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