its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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