It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
