Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize