wat bout pragnant strippers??
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
