Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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