i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
