I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
