me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
