I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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