Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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