wanna go halves on a baby?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
