i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
